Portsmouth, NH : 23yrs

Got a job in a costume / balloon-delivery shop.

Dressing up as a gorilla and jumping on tables in the middle of office meetings was a dream come true. My perfect job is clown in any lifetime.

Sometimes my tits gave away I was a woman in a gorilla suit wearing a banana-hammock g-string. The females were disappointed.

Sometimes I got to sing. On-the-fly rhymes came easy to me. I continued to randomly burst into shops singing years after it was an actual job. S’fun.

For a short time my band used the ancient sod-floor basement of the shop for rehearsal.

Neighbors weren’t into it.

The owner of the shop was an ex-actor who often smelled like human shit. He dressed well and enjoyed an opulent lifestyle.

He had a deep love affair with coke. A terrifying white devil I wasn’t ready to try. Not with him. He had a dangerous edge. He spoke of many enemies.

This dude was a frequency of depravity I’d never be interested in exploring.

He lived his life as the ringmaster of his own three-ring circus. I independently took care of his tiny empire.

Our relationship symbiotic.

I liked keeping pieces in place.

As long as the pieces and their places interested me.

My enthusiasm for the work allowed him to take a break from clowning and simply enjoy the money. Which would disappear completely from the till during his quick afternoon visits.

I didn’t care. Worked for me. I hated balancing registers, despised handling money.

He dubbed me manager and trusted me to run it while he lived his life.

I was in charge of hiring and firing. Hustling work in malls and stores.

It gave me joy to give people work that wasn’t back-breaking and paid well.

We had Santa orders.

My new recruits included a couple of black dudes.

I sent one to Roxbury, one to a nearby NH town.

I didn’t think much of it. I’d already worked Roxbury, which was predominantly black. And sure, the other town was mostly white.

But Santa was fucking bullshit no matter the hue of his skin.

Everyone knows that!

Nerp.

To some racist idiots Satan Claws is a GOD. Yeah, and Jesus was white and blond. For fucks sake, people.

It didn’t cross my mind when handing out the assignments.

I thought I was living in the world I wanted it to be, not the way it really is.

That’s usually my problem.

Over 20 years later there is national outrage at a very similar situation. Are you fucking kidding me? This shit still? Unbelievable.

The owner came charging in the shop on the afternoon of their gigs.

What the fuck, what the fuck, WHAT THE FUCK! He is jumping up and down. He is so dramatic I can’t believe he’s serious; he must be putting me on. He was the consummate performer.

What? What is it? Are you fucking with me? I stop inflating a balloon bouquet and face him.

Dude, DUUDE! What the fuck made you think niggers can be Santa!

I am frozen with disbelief that I even heard that word aloud. My jaw dropped.

Do you realize you’ve cost me my biggest client? Do you realize how much you fucked up their day!

Which one? I ask.

WHICH ONE? WHICH ONE? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

lulz. Fired again.

(please note the included photo is not an endorsement in any way of the clinton crime family)